I have finally created a new video! Please watch and share this video, we need to keep the number off views up!
“Off to the races
Im going places
Might be a long shot
Not gonna waste it”
– Demi Lovato, So Far So Great
This October 17th will mark the seven year anniversary of the day that I almost ended my life with a razor blade. I call that day my rock bottom. I hit that bottom hard, I wanted to end my life that day and I was going to end my life that day. Something else happened that day too, which my rock bottom an inspirational rock bottom. That is also the day that I turned my life around and decided to help others that were/or going through what I was at that point in my life. I cant believe all that I have done in these seven years, yes I know that It has been seven years, almost a decade; but to me, the time has flown by.
“This is the big break
And it`s calling my name”
The first thing that I did was to focus on myself and my mental health. I picked myself up off of the ground, brushed off all the dust and damage done and slowly rose above those who made me feel like I was nothing. Eventually I started to defend others that were the victims of bullying. That wasn’t always easy, sometimes I would become the victim in the process as well. That being said, all that I had/have went through in this time frame with my mental and physical health; I am a better and stronger person. I started this blog in 2014, I wanted to reach more people, those that were online looking for answers and for help. In 2015 I created my very first Vlog post, the views of that post skyrocketed in the first twenty-four hours; currently the number is 7,000 and growing. I decided to create more videos for YouTube and created my own YouTube channel. I have also created a Twitter, Instagram account for this blog. The links to those sites and that very first video that I created, will be provided at the bottom of this post. I have also started speaking publicly about my ordeal with bullying and self-esteem, I actually have an event next month that I am coordinating and speaking at, the link to the site with that event information is also provided at the bottom of this post.
“So far so great, get with it
At least that`s how I see it
Having a dream`s just the beginning
So far so great, believe it
Can`t take away this feeling
Taking a ride with chance to my side
Yeah, I cant wait
So far, so great”
I am only going to talk about this opportunity briefly because I will use it as the inspiration for the next post which you will be able to read tomorrow. Last week I entered the first video that I created into a contest to meet my idol, the reason why I am the strong person that I am today and encouraged myself and others like me to Stay Strong, her name is Demi Lovato.
“Might need to wing it
Still gonna bring it
Not gonna sink low
I`m going swimming
Swing for the fences
Sky`s not the limit today”
I never thought that this blog would be a learning experience for me. In the time since I have created this blog, I have realized not only was I making a difference in the life’s of others; I was also making a difference in my life as well. Meaning that most of the posts that I wrote were for myself because those were the words that I needed to hear in those moments of my life.
“Everyone says don`t get your hopes up
Learn the ropes and climb the ladder
I know in the end that just being here is the best
And it only gets better”
I never thought that I would accomplish this much in such a short time period. I’ve only begun, and I could not have done any of this without all of my viewers and readers love and support. Thank you!
“I can`t wait
So far so great”
Link to Facebook page:
Link to Twitter:
Link to YouTube Channel:
Link to the very first video:
Link for the website for my upcoming event:
Goal: Never give up on yourself, no matter how big that dream might be.
Here is the link to my YouTube channel, please feel free to subscribe to my channel and share it with your friends and family.
You can’t resolve other people`s issues, but you can sit with them and share the burden of their pain, thereby lightening it.
– Yehuda Berg
Part of being human beings is that we can not deny our feelings, no matter how hard we try; those feelings are always going to be there. The feeling of love for a friend or family member, even if that feeling of love isn’t mutual, it`s still there. The feeling of hatred towards another person, even if you don’t even know anything about that person, that feeling is still there. The feeling of heartache after the loss of a loved one, is one that is most defiantly always going to be there. In most of these situations, a friendly face to talk to and a good shoulder to cry on is almost always the best answer. Granted, it will not permanently take that feeling away, but just for that moment; that feeling vanishes into thin air because of the compassion that overwhelms both of those people in that moment.
Goal: Next time you see someone having a bad day, try not to turn your head the opposite direction and ignore the person. The person might be fighting a battle thats bigger than him/herself and a good shoulder to cry on is all that person will need to get through the day. Who knows, you, yourself, might benefit from that moment.
I highly encourage that you play this video now, and have it playing in the background as you are reading this post! Enjoy!
Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you’ve done
I can thank you for how strong I have become
Not many people wish others well, mostly not the ones that did them wrong. It might come off as strange for someone to do that for someone who has caused so much pain in a persons life. To be honest, I used to think that, however, now that I am growing as an individual, I feel that it is important to forgive those who hurt me. Sometimes they might not only need forgiveness…maybe they need to be prayed for…or even do a little praying themselves. It sounds kinda dumb saying this but they made me the strong person that I am today.
‘Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn to fight for myself
And we both know all of the truth I could tell
I`ll just say this is I wish you farewell
The verbal and physical abuse were the flames that put me through one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride. I never stood up for myself when all of the bullying started. There are times where I think that it was a bad thing that I never stood up for myself sooner, but then there are times where I look back and I am glad that I didn’t stand up for myself right away. I would not be the mentally strong person that I am today if I stood up for myself when it all first started. When I stood up and fought for myself, lets just say that once it started; I could not stop myself from progressing. The truth would be of all the stories that I could tell about all that I went through. Trust me, I am a person that remembers a lot of things, a lot; I could post a new story everyday about who you are (each and everyone of you) and what you’ve done to me. But I am not going to sink down to your level. I am just going to wish you farewell.
I hope you`re somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying
I`ve prayed before about this issue, but mostly for my healing and for the pain to go away. I have NEVER prayed for those who had done me wrong. However, tonight, that all changes and I hope that they start praying themselves. I hope that they pray that they have or will change. I hope when the realize what they have done that they will make peace with the fact that I am not “after” them for who they are, I am “after” them for what they did to me. Mainly because I know that I am a different person now compared to who I was back then; which makes me hope that they are also different people now. When I am praying for them they might be on their knees praying for forgiveness.
I`m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
I am really proud of who I am today. I guess that I could be called a “minor” activist, hopefully a big one in the future. Time, puberty, healthy living habits and exercise habits did me well. I am now confident in the skin that I am in. I am stronger mentally and continue to grow stronger everyday. The day that I almost attempted to end my life, they (the ones who did me wrong) said that I was nothing and that my life was done. Well they were wrong and the moment that I didn’t go through with slitting my wrist and put the razor blade down; I proved them ALL wrong. I become a better person each and everyday…the truth is…the best is yet to come!
`Cause I can make it on my own
And I don’t need you, I found a strength I`ve never known
I `ve been thrown out, I `ve been burned
When I`m finished, they won’t even know your name
I learned that I can fight this fight alone, I can fight it with others, I can also fight it with the power of prayer. I don’t need any of them (those who did me wrong), I did find a strength that I never knew that I had and it scares me but it`s a good type of scare not the bad kind. If the future doesnt scare me then I’m not doing something right with my life. I was thrown into those flames and was burned by all of their words in the process of me trying to escape. No one will ever know all of my wrongdoers names, I will know those names and I will never forget the names.
Oh, sometimes, I pray for you at night
Oh, someday, maybe you will see the light
Oh, some say, in life you gonna get what you give
But some things, only God can forgive
There will be nights where I will pray for those who did me wrong. I will pray that they are leading better lives. I will pray that they saw the error of their ways. I pray that I will never stoop down to their level because I am a firm believer that you receive what you put out into the world. I am standing up for myself and for other victims of bullying all around the world when I say that you’re in my prayers. I can forgive most of the things that were done to me; but the others, I will let God help me forgive.
I hope you`re somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
– Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
I need to quit leaving this site for so long, but life happens and people get busy. That being said, I am on to todays post.
I have been helping my grandparents around their house as well as staying there to keep them company. The other night my grandma did not know what she wanted to do, so I suggested that we watch a movie together. So I found the movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. I figured that this would be a movie that she would remember (she has Alzheimer’s), well, I figured wrong. She was insistent on the fact that we were watching the remake. There went my idea of helping her with some memory triggers.
Anyways. At the end of the movie when the only child left of the tour is Charlie, he finds out that he didn’t get the prize. To back track, most of you have hopefully seen this movie, Charlie and his grandpa broke one of the rules of the tour and tried one of Wonkas newer inventions. They didn’t know that Wonka knew about it, until he confronted them about it in the end of the movie. Wonka told Charlie that because he and his grandfather broke the rule that there would be no prize. There is another back track to the movie, just a refresher for some, at the start of the movie, whenever one of the five children found the Golden Ticket there would be a wired/scary looking guy appear to each child and whisper in thier ear something. When it was Charlie who won the ticket we got to hear what the stranger told the other four children. Come to find out that stranger was no other than one of Willy Wonka`s competitors in the candy industry, Slugworth. Slugworth offered every child a huge amount of money if after their visit to the chocolate factory they bring back a sample of Wonkas latest invention, The Everlasting Gobstopper. Wonka ended up giving all of the five children a sample of the Gobstopper during their tour of the factory. When Charlie and his grandfather found out that they were going to leave without the prize that was offered to them, Charlies grandfather said that Slugworth is going to get what he wants. But Charlie being the decent boy that he was went back to the desk where Wonka was sitting, took the Everlasting Gobstopper out of his pocket and placed it on Wonkas desk. Wonka grabbed the Gobstopper and said “So shines a good deed in a weary world”. It turns out that the whole Gobstopper thing with Slugworth and the money was just a test to see which child Wonka could trust to take over his factory. Charlie came from a poor family and won a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit the chocolate factory; Charlie was also offered a large sum of money that his family could’ve used to pay bills and feed themselves for a long time. Charlie, even though his family needed the money, did the right thing and did not give Slugworth the candy. Charlies prize at the end was something all kids dream of, owning a chocolate factory!
Goal: When we have a decision to make there are often to choices to choose from, and the choices are usually from two different categories; the right choice or the wrong choice. We outweigh the good and the bad, the consequences of the action, and how the action will benefit us. The next time that you are faced with a tough decision, don’t think about how it will benefit you in the time being, but think about how it will benefit you in the future and what kind of person you will feel like when the “deed” is done.Remember, sometimes the decisions that we make don’t always just have to be about us, those decisions can also be for the greater good of others. Who knows, maybe for the greater good of the entire world.
Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble.
– Yehuda Berg
There is a saying that goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt”. I was taught that saying by my parents and grandparents when I was a child. When I was younger I would say that to myself every now and then when I was getting bullied. Yeah, that saying did help me as a kid. However, now that I finally tore down the wall that all of my emotions were trapped behind; I now know that those words can be just as powerful if not even more dangerous than those sticks and stones.
It took me a very long time to chisel away at those bricks that were supporting the wall that had been in the way of me feeling what I really needed to feel. Occasionally a brick would come off here and there, but that wasn’t enough, and I knew that it wasn’t enough. Something miraculous happened to me today and I demolished that wall completely. Each and everyone of those bricks represented someone who had hurt me. Every hurtful word or saying that was spoken to me was one of those bricks. Guess what, those bricks are now nothing but a pile of dust that is getting blown away by the wind.
Now that the wall is finally gone, I can let out all of what I was feeling at every-moment of my life when I was getting hurt by those who bullied me.
I don`t even know where to begin.
I am feeling all of these emotions at once.
These emotions are powerful.
Powerful because they have been disregarded for ten years.
I am not even sure what emotion is the most powerful.
You hurt me to the point where I couldn’t`t breathe.
I couldn’t inhale to speak words of defense.
I couldn’t catch my breath.
When I tried to speak I would choke on air.
I gave up.
You hurt me to the point that I would cry.
I would cry because I felt helpless.
I started to cry myself to sleep.
I would cry when I woke up in the morning.
I would cry to the point that my eyes were sore.
I eventually ran out of tears.
You hurt me to the point where I couldn’t move.
I walked away from you more than once.
I tried to run the opposite direction of you.
I started to see no point in just walking away.
I became a statute.
You hurt me to the point where I couldn’t smile.
The smile that I once knew vanished.
Vanished because I didn’t see a point in keeping it.
I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
I became a blank face.
You hurt me in so many ways.
Ways that I can’t find the words to express.
You hurt me to the point where I almost hurt myself.
You caused me so much hurt that I almost ended my life.
I am no longer hurt.
I am now stronger than I was then.
You will no longer hurt me.
Not because I don’t want you to.
Because I will no longer let you.
Goal: It took me a long time to finally express what I felt, and how I feel now; ten years to be exact. What I am trying to get across is that change takes time and it does not necessarily happen overnight. I got tiered of letting that brick wall stop me and today I feel brand new and like a million pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders. That weight can be lifted off of your shoulders as well. The first of many steps is to realize that you need to make that change. Once you take that step, you’re halfway there.
I have insecurities of course, but I don`t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.
I think that one of the problems that I had was the fact that I originally surrounded myself with those who pointed out everything that I was insecure about. Maybe that was not the best thing for me to do. That being said, looking back, I realize that that was one of the safest options for me to have at the moment (or at least what I felt was the safest, because that`s what I was used to at that point in my life). To this day I still have insecurities about myself, all of my friends and family members know that. The only difference between what I used to be insecure about at that point in my life and now is that I surrounded myself with those who love me and that don’t point out those insecurities to me.
Goal: If there is anyone that is trying to bring you down about what you look like, even if it is a long time friend, coworker, etc, leave them behind you with all of you negative thoughts about yourself and surround yourself with those who you know will fill your life with nothing but love and support.
“Being normal is vastly overrated.”
– Debbie Reynolds
Everyone wants to be a normal person, with a normal life, a normal job, and a normal family. When no-one even knows what normal even is. How can we live up to the expectation of normal when no one has any idea of what normal even is? There is one thing that we can know for sure about Normal and that is the definition of itself.
Normal: Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
Being Normal sounds like following even more rules from society as to how we are supposed to live our lives, how we are supposed to look, and how we are supposed to act around others. Which is why I believe that being normal is vastly overrated. Live your life with whatever type of normality that you want. If you want to believe in something, then believe in it. If you want to act like yourself in front of strangers, act like yourself. If you want to be the person that`s known for always being happy, then be that person. I guess what I am trying to say is that being normal is very boring, there are too many “rules” to follow just to be normal.
Goal: Go out into the world and know that today is going to be a better day because you are going to be yourself. You will stand out in the crowd because everyone else is too busy being normal.
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
– Robin Williams
We all have that “million dollar” idea that we believe will change the world. The reason why I call it them the million dollar ideas is because if you were to recive a dollar for every time someone told you that the idea was stupid, dumb, and or impossible; you would have a million dollars by the time you made that idea (dream) into a reality.
Those ideas could be something as simple as making every person that you meet smile. Or as simple as being the first link in the longest chain of paying it forward. The ideas could also be something as complex as world peace, making a difference in the world, or taking a stance and putting an end to bullying. To be honest, there is no difference in the simplicity of our million dollar ideas. Actually, the biggest obstacle that is stopping you/is from making a difference in the world is ourselves.
Goal: No idea is worthless, they only become worthless when you make them that way. Go out there today and do what you have to in order to get one step closer to achieving your idea/goal. You never know, your idea could be the next million dollar idea. Your idea might even change the world.