Hurt

Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity.  We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair.  Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble.

– Yehuda Berg

There is a saying that goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt”.  I was taught that saying by my parents and grandparents when I was a child.  When I was younger I would say that to myself every now and then when I was getting bullied.  Yeah, that saying did help me as a kid.  However, now that I finally tore down the wall that all of my emotions were trapped behind; I now know that those words can be just as powerful if not even more dangerous than those sticks and stones.

It took me a very long time to chisel away at those bricks that were supporting the wall that had been in the way of me feeling what I really needed to feel.  Occasionally a brick would come off here and there, but that wasn’t enough, and I knew that it wasn’t enough.  Something miraculous happened to me today and I demolished that wall completely.  Each and everyone of those bricks represented someone who had hurt me.  Every hurtful word or saying that was spoken to me was one of those bricks.  Guess what, those bricks are now nothing but a pile of dust that is getting blown away by the wind.

Now that the wall is finally gone, I can let out all of what I was feeling at every-moment of my life when I was getting hurt by those who bullied me.

“Hurt”

I don`t even know where to begin.

I am feeling all of these emotions at once.

These emotions are powerful.

Powerful because they have been disregarded for ten years.

*

I am not even sure what emotion is the most powerful.

Anger?

Sadness?

Rage?

Pain?

Hurt!

*

You hurt me to the point where I couldn’t`t breathe.

I couldn’t inhale to speak words of defense.

I couldn’t catch my breath.

When I tried to speak I would choke on air.

I gave up.

*

You hurt me to the point that I would cry.

I would cry because I felt helpless.

I started to cry myself to sleep.

I would cry when I woke up in the morning.

I would cry to the point that my eyes were sore.

I eventually ran out of tears.

*

You hurt me to the point where I couldn’t move.

I walked away from you more than once.

I tried to run the opposite direction of you.

I started to see no point in just walking away.

I became a statute.

*

You hurt me to the point where I couldn’t smile.

The smile that I once knew vanished.

Vanished because I didn’t see a point in keeping it.

I didn’t recognize myself anymore.

I became a blank face.

*

You hurt me in so many ways.

Ways that I can’t find the words to express.

You hurt me to the point where I almost hurt myself.

You caused me so much hurt that I almost ended my life.

*

I am no longer hurt.

I am now stronger than I was then.

You will no longer hurt me.

Not because I don’t want you to.

Because I will no longer let you.

***

Goal: It took me a long time to finally express what I felt, and how I feel now; ten years to be exact.  What I am trying to get across is that change takes time and it does not necessarily  happen overnight.  I got tiered of letting that brick wall stop me and today I feel brand new and like a million pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders.  That weight can be lifted off of your shoulders as well.  The first of many steps is to realize that you need to make that change.  Once you take that step, you’re halfway there.