Selfish?…Only to Those Who Don’t Understand

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.

– Nido Qubein

Recently (today)  I overheard a conversation between a few classmates of mine.  I couldn’t help but listen to their conversation, mainly because it had something to do with depression and suicide.  This conversation included words like selfish, unthoughtful, sinful, hell,stupid, etc.  It took a lot out of me to not join in on their conversation and share just what a person is thinking while they are on the brinks of suicide.  You never know what a person is going through until you go through it yourself.  NEVER judge someone because they are a cutter, or because they are going through depression!!!  Depression is an issue of mental health and its not something that people can just put in the back of their mind and forget that it is there.  There are so many different reasons suicide and depression tie together and I can give you ten reasons right off the top of my head, but I don’t have enough time before class tonight.  So I am going to get my point across with the best example that I can think of.  My story with depression and suicide.

Now most of you, my readers have already read my story about the day that I almost ended my life and it has been referenced many times before, specifically in two of my other posts.  Those two posts can be found on this blog, but to make it easier for you, I am going to include them in links in this post.  In order for you to read those posts you will have to click on the names of the posts in the next sentence.  Those posts are titled Skyscraper and Warrior, like I said, just click on those links and they will take you directly to those posts.  If you are not aware of my past, I believe that it would befit you to read those posts before you finish reading this one; that way you will be less confused with what I am about to write, or with what you are about to read.

I believe that the major problem with depression is that not a lot of people are clearly aware of what depression can do to a person and how a person gets to the point in their  life when they want to commit suicide.

This is what I was going through that day.

I felt alone in a world that hated me.  I felt alone because I thought that there was no one that would be able to help me.  There is nothing more terrible in this world than that feeling of being alone in helpless.  I hated myself in a world full of those who hated me.  I felt like everyone hated me because that was the message that I was getting from those who bullied me.  I felt as if my life was a book on the bookshelf with everyone else’s lives.  Although I felt as if my book needed to be discarded and put in a pile of books that won’t even be touched because I felt like I was a waste of space on that shelf.   I felt as if the world would be a better place without me in it.  I mean, I know that I felt ending my life would make it a better place because there would be one less person like me on it.  Did I think about my family at all in that moment of my life?  Yes, but after I decided not to end my life.  In fact, my family was one of the many things that I thought about while I was laying on my bathroom floor that day. I began to think about how they might feel and what they might say and how they would possibly think it was their faults.  It never was their fault and it never will be.  That is something that people need to understand, families of suicide victims need to know that, because most of the time the blame is put on the families because they were the ones that were the closest to the victim. I felt sick and tired of going home everyday and crying because I didn’t belong.  I had thought about committing suicide before.  You don’t really think about heaven or hell when you get to that point in your life, you just hope that whatever is waiting for you on the other side is better than the hell that you’re living in at that moment.   I also

Those are just some of the examples of what was going through my mind on the day that I almost ended my life.  Was it a selfish choice for me to consider committing suicide?  No! In fact those that are the most selfish are the ones who judge those that committed suicide; especially if they have no knowledge to the prior circumstances that lead to that suicide.

There is help out there for those who are considering to commit suicide.  There is even a help line for those that are family,friends, etc. of those that went through with committing suicide.  For those of you who need more information on this topic, I am including the number to the suicide hotline and a few links to other pages.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:



National Suicide Prevention Hotline Webpage

Suicide Helpline

Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide 

Mental Health Webpage

Goal: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER judge someone because they have attempted to commit suicide and or had thoughts about committing suicide in their past!!!  Never call a victim of suicide selfish!  For those of you who need help, help is out there.  Its just a click of your mouse, or a few dials away.   You won’t regret taking that step, I know that it is hard; however Staying Strong for yourself and being selfish to get help is one of the best decisions that you can make in your life.



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