I think a spiritual journey is not so much a journey of discovery. It`s a journey of recovery. It`s a journey of uncovering your own inner nature. It`s already there. – Billy Corgan
We take steps in everything that we do in life. Which is why the following incident really took me by surprise. In the beginning of September I was doing a sign up for my big anti-bullying day event. I was sitting at the table and a person came up to me and said “There is no such thing as a recovery process in bullying.” The person stood there for a while carrying on in conversation. He didn’t even sign up to help for the event. As he left the table I smiled and told him to have a great day. All I could think while he was talking to me was “How dare you say that!”, I am still in recovery and it has been four years. I recently almost started to develop an eating disorder because of being bullied about my weight. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being heavy/thick/fat, I am saying that I am too scared to go back to the weight that I was when I was bullied. Don’t get me wrong, I have recently became confident in the skin that I am in. I was hurt to the point that I am scared that if I go back to being thick that I will be bullied again. It was ingrained in my mind at a young age that thick is not beautiful. WHATEVER! That is NOT the case! Each and everyone of us are beautiful in our own ways, and in our own looks. I have decided that I am going to give you a brief overview of the recovery process for bullying victims. Now, I will say this, for every victim the recovery process is different. So I am going to explain it to you the best way that I can from my recovery experience.
- In almost all types of recovery programs the first step would be to admit that you have a problem. Your life hits rock bottom and you want to make a change. You are tiered of living your life the way you are and you want to start over, a clean slate. I almost ended my life when I was a sophomore in high school. I hit rock bottom, my self-esteem was at an all time low. Life as I knew it at the time…well…. it just flat out sucked. While I was moving that blade towards my wrist I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and what I saw startled the life out of me. I broke down and cried because what I saw in that reflection was not me. It was in that moment that I admitted that there was a problem. I also admitted to myself that problem was not with me it was with those who hurt me. It became a problem that I realized I had to fix.
- The very next day I started to confront those who had hurt me. Now I am not saying that I walked straight up to them and was like “Hey stop”. I had yet to be confident in myself as I am now. I set the bait and had them fall into my trap. Once they took a little nibble out of me I took a big chunk out of them. Yes, occasionally I would have to stope down to their level. But sometimes you have to give somebody a taste of their own medicine. I am not saying that this was easy. In fact it was really hard because I never knew if I standing up for myself would make me more susceptible to the bullying.
- I started to try to make friends, heck I even made friends with those who hurt me. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I got awaked looks because at the time I was socially awkward. After not being in out of one social group and interacting with other than a few fellow peers; I had no idea how to communicate with others. Communicate effectively that is. I would get looks every now and then, looks that were like what the heck, this dude is crazy.
- The hardest thing that I ever had to do was my final step in the recovery process, well in my recovery process that is. I had to love myself for who I was, not for what others thought or said that I was. I was really scared to look at myself in the mirror. I was a little overweight for someone of my age and height. With a lot of hard work and self motivation I lost enough weight for me to be happy, comfortable, and confident in my skin and body.
- Step five is still a work in progress and it will always be a work in progress. This is where I step up for those who are being bullied and do all that I can to end bullying. It is a lot of hard work. But hard work pays off. I am not going down without a fight.
Goal: Realize that no matter what you think of a person that they have their own struggles that they are going through, just like you have your own. And remember that everything in life has a process in fact life itself is a process that we all go through.