The Recovery

I think a spiritual journey is not so much a journey of discovery.  It`s a journey of recovery.  It`s a journey of uncovering your own inner nature.  It`s already there.  – Billy Corgan

We take steps in everything that we do in life.  Which is why the following incident really took me by surprise.  In the beginning of September I was doing a sign up for my big anti-bullying day event.  I was sitting at the table and a person came up to me and said “There is no such thing as a recovery process in bullying.”  The person stood there for a while carrying on in conversation.  He didn’t even sign up to help for the event. As he left the table I smiled and told him to have a great day.  All I could think while he was talking to me was “How dare you say that!”, I am still in recovery and it has been four years.  I recently almost started to develop an eating disorder because of being bullied about my weight.  I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being heavy/thick/fat, I am saying that I am too scared to go back to the weight that I was when I was bullied.  Don’t get me wrong, I have recently became confident in the skin that I am in.  I was hurt to the point that I am scared that if I go back to being thick that I will be bullied again.  It was ingrained in my mind at a young age that thick is not beautiful.  WHATEVER! That is NOT the case! Each and everyone of us are beautiful in our own ways, and in our own looks.  I have decided that I am going to give you a brief overview of the recovery process for bullying victims.  Now, I will say this, for every victim the recovery process is different.  So I am going to explain it to you the best way that I can from my recovery experience.

  1. In almost all types of recovery programs the first step would be to admit that you have a problem. Your life hits rock bottom and you want to make a change.  You are tiered of living your life the way you are and you want to start over, a clean slate.  I almost ended my life when I was a sophomore in high school.  I hit rock bottom, my self-esteem was at an all time low.  Life as I knew it at the time…well…. it just flat out sucked.  While I was moving that blade towards my wrist I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and what I saw startled the  life out of me.  I broke down and cried because  what I saw in that reflection was not me.  It was in that moment that I admitted that there was a problem.  I also admitted to myself that problem was not with me it was with those who hurt me.  It became a problem that I realized I had to fix.
  2. The very next day I started to confront those who had hurt me.  Now I am not saying that I walked straight up to them and was like “Hey stop”.  I had yet to be confident in myself as I am now.  I set the bait and had them fall into my trap.  Once they took a little nibble out of me I took a big chunk out of them.  Yes, occasionally I would have to stope down to their level.  But sometimes you have to give somebody a taste of their own medicine.  I am not saying that this was easy.  In fact it was really hard because I never knew if I standing up for myself would make me more susceptible to the bullying.
  3. I started to try to make friends, heck I even made friends with those who hurt me.  Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.  I got awaked looks because at the time I was socially awkward.  After not being in out of one social group and interacting with other than a few fellow peers; I had no idea how to communicate with others.  Communicate effectively that is.  I would get looks every now and then, looks that were like what the heck, this dude is crazy.
  4. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was my final step in the recovery process, well in my recovery process that is.  I had to love myself for who I was, not for what others thought or said that I was.  I was really scared to look at myself in the mirror.  I was a little overweight for someone of my age and height.  With a lot of hard work and self motivation I lost enough weight for me to be happy, comfortable, and confident in my skin and body.
  5. Step five is still a work in progress and it will always be a work in progress.  This is where I step up for those who are being bullied and do all that I can to end bullying.  It is a lot of hard work.  But hard work pays off.  I am not going down without a fight.

Goal:  Realize that no matter what you think of a person that they have their own struggles that they are going through, just like you have your own.  And remember that everything in life has a process in fact life itself is a process that we all go through.

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