Lessons Learned

But it don’t really matter, life gets that much harder.  It makes you that much stronger.

-Carrie Underwood, Lessons Learned

I know I used a song a couple of posts ago, but this song fits really well right now.  I just turned twenty years old on Saturday, and this song pretty much sums up all that I have been through so far in my life.

There`s some things that I regret.

Some words I wish had gone unsaid.

Some starts that had some bitter endings.

We know within the first breaths that we take in this world that we are going to make mistakes.  Most of the time we choose to regret those mistakes that we made.  With all that I have been through in the past few years I have came to the conclusion that we learn from our mistakes.  I look at my mistakes as a reminder of how I can do/approach something differently.  I look at my mistakes as Lessons Learned.  There are times when I look back at all the things that I did when I was a little kid.  I sure knew how to cause trouble, and a lot of it, I guess you could say I was a little hell raiser.  I remember having a friend all through Elementary and the Beginning of Middle School.  From Early 5`s till sixth grade we were in the same classes with each other.  There are those occasional friendships that don’t end up lasting past freshman year in high school.  Things happened and my friend went to another school, not much contact has been made, we see each other once in a blue moon at the grocery store; but thats it.  Our friendship had a great start that turned into a rough and bitter ending.

 Been some bad things that I’ve been through.

Damage that I cannot undo.

Some things, I wish I could do all over again.

 I have been through a lot in just my twenty years in this world so far.  Being a premature baby, the diagnosis of ADHD when I was four years old, being bullied in elementary, middle and high school, having my hometowns high school close its doors before my senior year, graduating from high school, and receiving a scholarship to go to college for free.   I have damage done to myself and I may have done damage to others; but the damage is more prominent in me because of how I handled the damage that I may have caused.  Part of the damage that was done to me left scars.  The scars are not external, they are internal.  I mentioned in a previous post that I have scars that I will never show and those are my internal scars.  Being bullied can take a persons self-esteem level down from a ten to a zero just like that.  I am still in recovery from being bullied because I had a low self-esteem that almost reached the point of no return; I`d say that I am a eight and a half on that scale today.  When we are children we always say that we can’t wait till we are adults and we can do what ever we want to.  I am here today wishing that I was a kid all over again.  I miss being able to sit in my grandfathers (he is still alive) lap when we were in his truck and pretending that I was the one driving.  The thing from my child hood that I miss most of all was doing whatever I wanted to without a care in the world and not worrying about how someone would/might judge me.

But it doesn’t really matter, life gets that much harder.

It makes you that much stronger.

Life does get hard at times and it might seem like there is not a light at the end of the tunnel.  The light is there you just have to keep on searching till you find it.  Remember that which does not kill you only makes you stronger.

Some pages turned, some bridges burned.

But there were lessons learned.

Pages among pages have been turned since the day that I was born.  I have burnt every bridge that linked me with those who did me wrong.  I have and I still am learning my lessons.

 There`s mistakes that I have made.

Some chances that I have thrown away.

Some roads, I never should`ve taken.

I never should have let what others said about me define who/what I was a person.  However, as a result I am a better person today.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes.

Everyday I wonder how I get through the night.

Every change, life has thrown me.

I`m thankful, for every break in my heart, I`m grateful every time.

 This might sound weird to some of you but I actually am thankful for the fact that I was bullied.  Do I wish being bullied upon everyone? NO!  I am thankful because I use everything that I went through and am still going through to help other people that need help.

And all the things that break you, all the things that make you strong.

You can’t change the past because it`s gone.

And you just gotta move on.

Because it`s all Lessons Learned.

Goal:  Look at everything that you have been through  as a lesson learned.  Reflect back every now and then on your child hood.  Remember you owe everything that you are today on what happened to you before.  In the future you will be everything that you learned from today and the days that follow.

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