I can`t sleep tonight, wide awake and so confused. Everything`s in line, but I am bruised. I need a voice to echo. I need a light to take me home. I need a hero. Is it you? – Demi Lovato, Nightingale
This song sums up almost all the emotions that I was going through when I was being bullied. I would lie awake at night in my bed, crying and thinking. Crying because I didn’t know what I ever did to deserve it. Thinking because I wanted to fix whatever was “wrong” with me. That thinking led to confusion because I didn’t even know where to start, yet alone what was wrong with me. I was nice to everyone, even to those who did me harm. I was bruised, not just physically, but mentally/emotionally as well. So emotionally bruised that it was time for me to go see someone for help.
Somebody speak to me. Cause I`m feeling like hell. Need you to answer me. I`m overwhelmed. I need a voice to echo. I need a light to take me home. I need a star to follow. I don’t know.
The help that I received was just the basic building blocks of trying to bring myself back up. The focus was put on the fact that I was bullied to the point where I withdrew myself from others. I didn’t know who to trust, and as a result I became socially awkward. Which only gave them more ammunition to use when they picked on me. I learned to try to get out of my comfort zone. I joined the middle school track team as a way for me to get out there and talk to people. With all the running that I was doing, I lost weight and the sad part is that people started talking to me once I lost a few pounds (how shallow are we?). I knew that I had to do more.
Can you be my Nightingale? Sing to me. I know you`re there. You could be my sanity. Bring me peace. Sing me to sleep. Say you`ll be my Nightingale.
But when track season ended the bullying got worse. I was no longer the fat kid who was easy to pick on. I became the fat kid that ran, ran slow. I hated it. I`ve posted about the day that I turned my life around before (see post titled “Skyscraper”), but when I was a freshman I almost ended my life. Something happened, maybe a flip switched in my brain or whatever you want to call it. From that moment on I was no longer the victim. I would not allow myself to be the victim. I stayed strong and picked myself up and made myself a Skyscraper (metaphorically speaking). I became a Warrior with the armor that was created by all the hate that was being thrown at me. I brought myself sanity. I brought myself peace. I am my Nightingale.
Goal: Be your own inspiration. Be someone else`s inspiration. Be a Nightingale.